Final Days

My goodness…I did warn you that time was going to fly by. Unfortunately, I had no idea just how quickly it would go until I was in the middle of my final projects. I now find myself sitting in the Reagan airport (after a string of very lucky events, I might add), waiting to board my flight. Saying goodbye to my friends last night and this morning was absolutely heartbreaking. We had a very unique cohort here in that we all supported, encouraged, accepted, and loved one another. We are all like-minded in our determination and motivation to achieve, but diverse enough that we still learn so much from each other. The dynamic of our group was incredible, and I will never forget these kind, inspiring individuals.

I could not imagine a better last weekend to have had in Charlottesville. Saturday we woke up to grey skies and spent the morning touring Monticello, Jefferson’s home. The architecture is absolutely beautiful! It was fun to explore, but given the dreary weather, we didn’t stay too long. We grabbed lunch at Cookout (a really cheap, delicious burger joint) before heading back to Bice where we all changed into pajamas and laid low for the rest of the afternoon. I can’t remember the last time I spent an entire afternoon in bed not doing anything, but it was so relaxing and peaceful! We got together later that night to watch a movie and then shared brunch the next morning at a hole-in-the-wall restaurant called “The Pigeon Hole”. The rest of Sunday was dedicated to researching graduate programs (surprise, surprise) and commiserating with Alicia over our GRE scores…”would you like fries with that?” 😉

Although it was our last week and workshops within the program had pretty much ended, Alana and I still spent a substantial amount of time in the lab. Somehow we got started later than most on our work duties for our mentor, which resulted in us coding videos right up until the night before we left for LANS. We had a final coffee with both Anita and Lindsay at Shenandoah Joe’s, which was fun, and went to a great Mexican dinner with Lindsay Wednesday night as a ‘thanks’ for our work this summer. Lindsay has been a wealth of knowledge about the application process, and Anita was so supportive and encouraging about our current work and future goals; both have been lovely to work with. Other than coding and preliminary goodbyes (both Anita and Lindsay left over the weekend while we were at LANS, so we didn’t get to see them at the closing ceremony), last week was FULL of presentation practice for LANS. Although I’ve done poster presentations before, each project is different and takes a while to generate a clear and concise spiel; the practice sessions were greatly appreciated. Also last week, we got to meet the dean of the Curry School of Education, which was pretty incredible. He lives in one of the pavilions, part of Jefferson’s original academical village, which was beautiful. We sat in his living room enjoying chocolate-covered strawberries and discussing his experiences as well as seeking advice about how to be a competitive applicant for graduate school.

Thursday was our last day in Charlottesville before leaving for LANS. Alana and I surprisingly had the morning off (we went in to work later that evening), so we slept in, got breakfast at Bodo’s, and hung out in Barracks with Alicia until our final coordinator meeting. We enjoyed walking around, munching on sweets from our favorite eateries, and laughing at each other’s jokes. The meeting and work went quickly that night, and then most of us went out to our favorite bar to celebrate being done. We stayed up entirely too late, but had such a fantastic time — I would do it all over again in a heartbeat, given the opportunity.

We spent this weekend at the conference in Connecticut, LANS. Getting there was quite an experience! We left at 4:15am, and it took us 10 hours before we finally got to Hartford. It was a tiny bus, and I ended up sitting next to someone from a biology research program at UVa. He was very funny and a good conversationalist, so I didn’t mind too badly, but my knees literally had bruises on them from how I had arranged myself ‘comfortably’ in the seat so as to not spill over into his half. Once we finally got there (after taking a detour through the Bronx, mind you), we had an orientation to go to before dinner at 7. We were all famished at that dinner, and devoured all the food. We were lucky enough to be well-fed all weekend, but each meal save for breakfast was a three course meal, so goodness knows I need to detox now!! We all presented our posters the next morning, which went really well! I felt very confident in my background and analyses, and felt as though I answered questions (even the unexpected ones) intelligently. I’d never been to an academic conference before, and really enjoyed my experience at LANS. It was different than other conferences I’d been to in that it is designed specifically for students. There were workshops for current undergrads and grads, often parsed by discipline. Also, there was a very inspirational speaker the first night who told us, “If you can inspire others, you’re a leader”. I like this definition of a leader better than others I’ve heard because so often people get caught up in needing to be big, loud, or powerful to influence others. But really, being a leader means, to me, giving others faith that they can achieve their best. This is a philosophy I’ve always held true, and am glad other people believe it, too. Also, I’ve learned that criticism should be taken as the biggest compliment you can receive. Someone is taking the time to truly reflect on you work and consider what you could do better because they care about you being the absolute best you can be. Criticisms create opportunities and offer room for growth – how could that be a bad thing?

I think my favorite part of the conference may have been Saturday afternoon. All of us except for Paige and Michelle decided to ignore flasflood warnings and brave the incoming storm to head a few blocks away from the hotel to ride a carousel. It was the 98th birthday of the carousel, and free rides were being given all day. Getting there wasn’t so bad, but it was an absolute deluge on the way back – I could barely see in front of me and was soaked in mere seconds. Onaje and I ran back together because we were the only two without umbrellas (though those with umbrellas weren’t much better off) – I can’t remember the last time I was so jovial. The bus ride home was substantially more comfortable – thanks to our fantastic coordinators who aren’t afraid to speak their minds, we had a new bus driver and a coach bus! It was still close to a ten hour ride, but it was a lot smoother and more direct. I sat close to the same kid, Tyler, again, and loved the conversation we had. It was great fun getting to know him, but I don’t think we’ll keep in touch.

Yesterday and this morning were incredibly emotional. The morning was spent packing and taking care of last minute errands. The evening consisted of our final poster presentations, a closing ceremony, and a delicious, three hour dinner with the interns and coordinators. Saying goodbye to everyone was so hard; we’ve grown so much this summer, and we’ve all done it together. I only hope we all keep in touch and continue to provide support from all around the country. I don’t think it’s hit me yet that when I wake up tomorrow morning, I’m not going to be able to grab coffee with Lana on the way to work or laugh with Licia about the mishaps of our day, or run with Caroline through the charming town of Charlottesville. It sucks.

Throughout the summer at our coordinator meetings we did “SWOT” analyses, wherein we identified our strengths, weaknesses, opportunities, and threats. Friday night in the hotel room, I was reflecting on how I’ve changed as a result of this internship. I jotted these notes down in my journal so I could be sure to include them here (I didn’t have my laptop with me at the conference). As I was writing, I noticed my thoughts were following this SWOT pattern. It’s amazing how much my strengths and weaknesses change on a weekly basis, and to see how much I’ve grown since having been here. When we all arrived, we were victims to the “imposter syndrome”, telling ourselves ‘we don’t belong here’, ‘I’m faking it, I’m not really good enough’, ‘It’s only just a matter of time before they find out I’m not qualified’, ‘they didn’t really mean to accept me’. Everyone else seemed SO smart; it was daunting, and easy to fall privy to victimizing ourselves. While I still know that everyone with whom I completed this program is wicked intelligent, I no longer worry that I shouldn’t have been accepted – I acknowledge that I earned the position to be here and that I was qualified for the type of work required as a nascent researcher. I have gained so much confidence as a result of this internship, and for that I could not be more grateful. This relates perfectly to my thoughts from Friday night, which progressed as follows:

Growth: I’m confident. I don’t let myself get deterred by my fears or doubt anymore. I dismiss the thoughts that say ‘you can’t do this’ when I get intimidated or overwhelmed. I know that this is what I want, and because I know that, I can be confident that my strengths will comprise a strong application. Now I tell myself to dive in, head first, with as much energy as I can, to get these applications completed; if I’m going to do it, I may as well give it everything I’ve got. I have faith that what I’m doing is right for me, and if it’s not, then I won’t get accepted to a program. Additionally, I believe that I have done everything I could have to prepare me for this.

Hope: I hope to share what I’ve learned with others. I don’t think undergraduates, at least from PLU, know enough about the opportunities available to post-grads. Especially as a psychology major, there are so many avenues possible to pursue; the earlier people learn about these opportunities, the more they can do to prepare for them. It’s just such a challenge, because even if you don’t think it’s something you want to do, you’ll never know unless you try. I never would have pictured myself as a researcher, but after getting involved in my statistics class and this internship, I can’t imagine a life without research now. I can’t wait to go back and share as much information as I can with other undergraduates about potential futures with a psychology degree.

Weaknesses: I don’t articulate myself well when I’m stressed. This is a particularly important skill for me to learn given the importance of interviews and making a good impression. I need to practice giving direct and concise information. Also, I tend to take things personally, and can internalize those emotions instead of standing up for myself. I was complimented this summer for being well composed and a respectful person, which are two qualities I’m proud of. But I also believe that I don’t correct people if they misjudge me, which may lead to more misperceptions of who I am and what I’m capable of. I’ve spent a lot of time being ‘cute-shy McKenna’ but now I need to be ‘confident-professional McKenna’.

Opportunities: Practice patience. I need to listen to others’ words and feedback, and genuinely consider what they’re saying. I also need to learn to appreciate how what I say might be perceived differently than how I feel. I think Quinn and my mom can relate most closely to this, as they’ve often been victims to my hot temper and tendency to leave an argument in the middle of it, solely so I can have the last word. Tommy has really helped me reflect on what people say and understand that I don’t always express myself how I want to. I think this skill will allow me to take criticism and turn it into an opportunity, as well as have healthier relationships with those in my life.

For some reason, I went into this summer not thinking I was going to grow or change personally — only professionally. Last summer was such a learning experience for me at camp in growing independent and learning to be happy that I didn’t think I could have that kind of experience anywhere else. Reflecting on that original judgment, I’m embarrassed by my naïve mindset. This experience did help me grow professionally, yes. But it also has propelled me out of adolescence and into young adulthood. I feel substantially wiser, more mature, and like I’m a better person because of this opportunity. I know I will continue to grow throughout this transformative year, and can’t wait to see where life takes me. For those of you intrigued by my experiences, or for those who want to know about the graduate school application process, please keep an eye out for a link to my new blog (that I still need to create…darn no free wifi at the airport). Starting in August, I will chronicle my graduate school application process, including narrowing down graduate schools, the GRE, writing, revising, re-writing, revising, re-writing, revising, and re-writing my personal statement, the online application, tribulations of ordering transcripts, and coordinating letters of recommendation, all the while balancing the last semester of my senior year and working. Hopefully in January I can write about interviews and come March I can share about the decision making process.

Thank you for following me through this summer. I know some of you head back to school soon – best of luck to you! For everyone else, enjoy the rest of your summer and know that I appreciate all of your love and encouragement.

Love always,

M.

Frivolity and Frets

It is Friday evening, and somehow my last weekend in Charlottesville. Where did the time go?!  Research definitely consumed a substantial amount of my time these last couple of weeks, but I’ve also spent plenty of time just having fun. I feel as though the rest of my time here will be a good balance of the two: we have a lot of practice presentations and final meetings, but we also have some more flexibility in our schedules.

Last week, Caroline and I went to a running club downtown. It’s comprised of a lot of LuluLemon employees; a group of them leave from their shop at 6 and do 3 mile loops through the neighborhoods every week. It was the first time in a long time that I had run with a group, and it was a lot of fun! I don’t know why Caroline and I haven’t been running together all summer — we do a good job motivating each other. Later that night, she, Paige, and I went to the Biltmore, the local bar we’ve been to a few times. It was really nice to have such a relaxing night and get to know each other better. Paige didn’t stay late, but Caroline and I had a really good conversation about relationships and love. She’s such an optimistic, happy person, and I love talking with her (:

Last weekend was an incredible one. Friday night I went to bed pretty early, but woke up early Saturday morning to go to the market with Tushmit before the big crowd of people got there. I got more peaches and nectarines (can you ever really have enough?) and finally tried a Pantheon popsicle…they’re homemade, dairy-free, and so delicious. Tushmit and I both had chocolate-walnut-banana….oh my goodness. So decadent. After the market, I did some GRE prep, went for a wicked quick run, showered, got dressed, had my makeup done by the beautician Alana, and went on a date (!) with the boy from the concert, Tommy (!!!). We spent about 5 hours at a coffee shop swapping music and childhood stories, continued conversation over dinner, then wandered around grounds for hours after a rain/lightening/thunder storm (which we waited out on the steps of a really beautiful building (you know, the brick one, with the pillars, and the grass in front of it (the running joke between us interns because that describes basically all of the buildings on grounds))). Anyway, we had a really fun time, but I didn’t know if I was going to be able to see him again. He lives about an hour away and works endlessly. I had a full day Sunday, so despite being bummed, I was  able to stay pretty distracted. Some of the girls and I went to brunch at a fantastic, adorable restaurant downtown. We waited about 40 minutes for the bus to get back to grounds, and were all exhausted, hot, and slightly irritated by the time we finally made it back. The rest of the afternoon was dedicated to homework, skype dates , and getting to bed early.

Somehow it worked out for Tommy to come up again Monday night. I could not have been more ecstatic! I worked diligently all day; in turn, we got to laugh over a midnight dinner and ice cream and stay up entirely too late. Saying goodbye was a lot harder this time, because this time I really didn’t think we’d be able to see each other again. Not only was I tired waking up Tuesday morning, but I was sad. This surprised me. I had only been on two dates with this kid and yet he managed to really capture my attention. He makes me feel like I’m a good person and that he genuinely likes me for me, not for who I could be or the type of person he thinks I am or wants me to be. I’ve met very few people as accepting, patient, and respectful as him. What is it with me liking boys on the opposite side of the country?!

Tommy aside, Tuesday and Wednesday were busy and stressful days as far as work was concerned. Like I mentioned, our posters were due to print Wednesday afternoon, and it was a rush to get them turned in.  But then 3 o’clock Wednesday hit and I got a message from Tommy saying he’d be headed through Charlottesville on his way to DC the next day and would it be okay if he swung by to drop something off for me. That message could not have come at a better time! I don’t know how I managed to be so lucky to 1) Meet someone this nice 2) Meet someone this nice at a concert (not even the concert. waiting for my taxi two minutes before I left after the concert!) 3) Find said boy after I already drove away and a) have him not find me creepy and b) snag his number 4) Capture his attention enough for him to want drive an hour just to go on a date 5) Have a really good date 6) See each other two times more than we were supposed to thereafter. Every time we’ve left each other, we thought it would be the last — somehow, though, we’ve managed to work in ‘one more time’ every time. Anyway, we ended up talking for hours (per usual) and had breakfast at a cute 50’s-esque diner downtown Thursday before he left and we said goodbye again (you’d think the more we say these, the easier they’d get, but not so much). Once again, I don’t think I’ll be able to see him again, but somehow the odds keep working in our favor (or he keeps rearranging his schedule to make it possible). Either way, we both agree that despite having feelings for each other, if anything is meant to happen in the future, it will. Given that, we’re just focused on getting to know each other better and maintaining a strong friendship based on trust and openness. I’m quite happy (:

Other than that, Alana and I have spent a lot of time giggling at the most ridiculous things together. I could not have asked for a better colleague. She is just so lighthearted, takes my jokes well, and definitely teases back. We were both exhausted and amused by everything today. Because the videos we code are of classroom interactions as they’re happening in real-time, some  conversations distal to the lesson are sometimes included. Examples include kids calling teachers fat, singing jingle bell rock, or offering obscure definitions of words. One teacher, while discussing the word ‘squish’, had a child volunteer the example: “Like you’d squish a baby out of your belly!”. All of these result in Alana and I being doubled over in laughter and a lot of bizzare inside jokes.

Because the work I was involved with this summer focused on language and literacy instruction, I think I’m substantially better-prepared to be an effective tutor come fall at the elementary school in Tacoma. I learned a lot about the importance of explicit instruction when teaching children, and to consider how children perceive things differently than adults (e.g., some questions that are obvious to adults may not be clear to children). Also, the importance of offering emotional support for children was reiterated, which I think is really important to children’s success. I feel like all teachers should be required to take educational psychology classes, but at the same time, I’m not sure it would help. Even if they have the knowledge about what does or doesn’t make a classroom conducive to learning, there is only so much that only one teacher can do. Given that, I think that both training and extra support should be provided to teachers to best increase children’s chances for success.

In a message to Lauren today, I told her that while I’m excited to come home, I’m not really ready to leave Charlottesville. I’ve fallen in love with the town here — I love that I have multiple restaurants/shops/cafes within walking distance and a variety of activities going on within a reasonable driving distance. I have a nice routine here (even though no two days are ever the same), and it’s going to be weird to be back home. Even though this experience has forced me to face reality, time has still been suspended in a way. My work as an intern was focused very much in the present, with the farthest deadline being our poster presentations. While grad school application and CV workshops prompted me to consider graduate school, I didn’t actually have to apply that knowledge. Once I’m back to Sammamish though, that bubble is going to pop. All the things I’ve been planning for are actually going to need to happen. These applications I’ve been eyeing, CV’s I’ve been drafting, and personal statements I’ve been considering need to emerge as tangible documents I can submit to my (ever-changing) list of graduate programs. Come August, it will suddenly be all very, very real. The perspicacious Lauren, however, prompted me to consider that I’ve been preparing for this — in a way, it will be exciting to put all my accrued knowledge to work and actually make something happen. So, am I scared? Out of my mind. But am I also excited? Absolutely.

Love always,

M.

Putting it all Together

13. 13 days. That’s how long I have left here. But this time won’t pass like time does at camp or at work. No, these 13 days will resemble the frantic end of a semester: bustling to get final papers and projects submitted, cramming for way too many exams, wishing days were double in length, knowing you wouldn’t get any more sleep even if they were. And, suddenly, before you feel like you’ve really got a hold on everything, it’s over, and you’re done. That’s how these days are going to pass.

This last week has been jammed with research and preparing for our presentation in Connecticut at the end of July. Alana and I spent a lot of time compiling our data sets, running analyses, re-compiling our data sets, and re-running analyses. It’s amazing: you do research on a couple different projects and think you’ve worked out the kinks, only to be faced with new challenges on a different project. That’s the beauty of research. There are always opportunities to explore new analyses, consider different perspectives, and just “muck through” the process. Our mentor informed Alana and me today while reviewing our posters for the final time that her goal this summer had been to really introduce us to the research process by not holding our hands and letting us work through the process of what research is all about. Let me tell you, this goal was definitely met!

This summer, I learned how to be a better researcher. That sounds so obvious, but it is a very nuanced role comprised by a multitude of skills and perseverance. No doubt that I will continue to grow as “Researcher McKenna” as I continue my career as a researcher, and I know that side of me is someone I want to develop more. It’s a complicated, subtle transformation in myself that is difficult to describe, but I want to try to walk you through my process this summer anyhow, if you’ll stick with me:

1. My first challenge was coming onto a project that had already been started. All the research I’d worked on previously was work I, with a couple other partners, had generated. We formulated our questions, found the materials necessary, did the literature review, ran the experiment, did a very minimal amount of data cleaning, ran our analyses, wrote a paper, created a poster, and presented. Having to acquaint myself with data that had already been collected and familiarizing myself with the justification of each measure that someone else decided upon years before was hard. I wanted to know everything about the data set, but soon realized that given the time restraint with my internship, this would not be a possibility. Enter phase 2: deciding on a topic.

2. Because I couldn’t study EVERYTHING in this data set, I really had to narrow my focus. Creating a research question was hard because all the data held so much potential! After I thought I had designed what I considered thoughtful questions, my mentor implored I “tighten them up”, so to speak. It’s imperative in research that the independent variables you choose have a relationship with your dependent variable. Again, this sounds like a no brainer, but it requires careful consideration. Say, for example, you’re curious about how home literacy environment affects emergent literacy skills. Well, what about home literacy environment do you think will effect emergent literacy skills? You have to choose very specific variables that can be operationally defined before proceeding with the next step…

3. In my case, the next step was compiling a data set. This was something I’d never done before, as my data had always come to me neat, packaged, and with a bow on top. The closest I ever came was pairing pre-test measures with post-test measures and then exporting that file from Excel to SPSS. Creating this data set was substantially more difficult. Alana and I spent four hours in the library one morning and created what we were pretty sure were accurate sets. The challenge was that this particular study had three databases from which we could choose about 1500 variables to examine. Even though we’d identified our questions and specific variables, how did we know what time point to choose? Should we use the standard scores or the raw scores or create our own variables? On top of that, not all the variables were the same in each database; therefore, when we went to “merge files”, the data for a child in one data set couldn’t match with the data of that same child in another set. We felt very accomplished to have done this, except…

5. Then we got an e-mail from our mentor identifying exactly what variables to use, what databases to pull them from, and what analyses to compute. Alana and I were disappointed our work the previous morning would be obsolete, but as my professor back home says, “If you want to know how to do something, you have to do it 100 times before you’ll be good at it.” So, Friday was spent re-compiling our data sets with the variables outlined by Anita. This was incredibly helpful, because it allowed us to wonder why we chose certain variables (which would be necessary to address in our posters) as opposed to what variables to pull. Finally, we have complete data sets! Now it’s time for the…

6. Analyses!!!!!! This is probably my favorite part of the research process. I get so excited by how numbers can look a certain way and how that can be tested to see whether a pattern truly exists. It really gives meaning to these numbers, and allows us to manipulate them to reach conclusions that a simple table of numbers wouldn’t. Just this past week we had a workshop on Causal Statistics (something I haven’t studied yet), and I got SO excited by the “model of life” (I wanted to include a link to an image of one here, but I couldn’t find it :[) and about determining differences in differences…ah! It just solidified for me that research is definitely something I want to be doing, and I hope to also get a quantitative specialization, because I just love it. Anyway, the analyses for these data were fairly straightforward — hierarchical regressions, which is something I’m very familiar with. However, my original intention had been to categorize children into groups by creating dummy variables. While I could have done this and still computed my analyses, it didn’t seem to offer as comprehensive of a story I wanted to tell. I went back and forth between these dummy variables and finally decided against it. The weekend was spent creating my tables and making my poster and getting ready to talk to Anita about our results on Monday…

7. Whelp, as it turns out, we were supposed to center our variables before including them in our regression. I also had never done an interaction term with regression before (or if I had, I’d forgotten how to do that), so I got to learn about creating that variable and including it in the analyses. Also, as it turns out, my data set was missing about 2/3 of the data for one of my dependent variables because the data set from which I took that variable hadn’t been the most recent one. Thank goodness for Lindsay, who shared the updated data set and helped me transfer the rest of that data into my set.

8. Yesterday and today included finalizing our posters and being as concise as possible while still telling as comprehensive of a story as possible. The rules for posters are a lot different than rules with papers in that there is more flexibility in what you could include and what you have to include. This poster was a challenge for me because I have always had a paper from which I could base my poster, which was cut-and-paste. This required knowing as much information as would be in a paper (okay, maybe not that much, but still) but still only putting the critical information on the poster. That poster was submitted mere minutes before it was due, but not due to a lack of effort: it’s that there are always challenges in research, and you have to manage them accordingly. Meeting deadlines is an unfortunate truth, and it limits what you can do sometimes. Choosing where to exert your efforts will help significantly. While my poster is finished, my research certainly is not. For example, I found yesterday a difference between children in two groups that shouldn’t have been there. There are a couple reasons why this finding may be, and while it’s interesting, it’s not something I have time to consider given my due-date with this poster. As Anita told me, it is a great point to hit for “future directions” (if I were to continue researching this data), and is indicative of my inquisitive mind and persistence (I was flattered by that compliment!). There are still some tests I need to run and perspectives I need to consider before I am ready to present. Just because it’s not on my poster doesn’t mean that there isn’t information out there that I still need to know!

In summary:

1. There are a lot of difficulties in tracking multiple data sets, but also benefits of having so much data

2. Always check your data! Don’t doubt yourself. If something looks wrong, it might be — don’t think that other people know what they’re doing better and that your thought is invalid. It should have struck me as weird that 2/3 of the children were missing data for the one variable, but I figured it just hadn’t been recorded for those students (other variables were missing data, too, just not that much)

3. I understand the relationship between ANOVAs and regressions so much better and how to use an interaction term in regressions. Also, I better understand how to interpret main effects and interactions

4. Centering variables and when that is appropriate

5. Ability to analyze data creatively

6. Think more. This one sounds silly, but I really feel as though I’m much more inquisitive, persistent, and detailed when it comes to research now. These skills could not have been gained at a better time — not only will they help me complete my capstone project, but they are abilities I will be able to highlight confidently in my graduate school applications.

Anita mentioned something in our meeting that really clicked with me that explains why I love research so much. She said that research is like putting the pieces in front of you together to solve a puzzle. And it’s true! You may pick the wrong piece on occasion, take the right piece but have to turn it a few times before it fits, or piece together a few pieces before adding it to the whole. It’s a process that I love, and am so lucky to have experienced so completely this summer.

Lucky

Man, I tell ya. Today has been one of those days. I literally woke up to my 6:15 alarm laughing, a mocking voice in my head coddling me: “I love that you thought you were going to be ambitious enough to wake up and go for a run this morning”. Enter sleepy McKenna struggling through math problems (10, mind you) to reach the snooze button, merely for a five minute respite. Snooze, repeat. For an hour.

Though it was only twenty minutes, I did manage to get a run in before errand-running with Alana. It wasn’t even raining, and it’s substantially cooler than it’s been all week! But after my shower, I ironed black goo into my pants, frantically washed, then had no way to dry, them, changed outfits, scarfed down oatmeal and peaches (okay, that was pretty good), and made sure I had enough money to go grocery shopping. It was in this time that I was frantically scrambling to get ready that I, for the first time since owning it, let my phone slip from my hands and fall to the floor. *cringe*. I was nervous to pick it up, but thanks to the shatterproof glass, it was fine. *phew*. Alana and I were only fifteen minutes later getting out than we’d intended, but had to walk to a bus stop that’s farther away. I warned her I was riding the struggle bus, and she teased me that I needed to “get off the struggle bus and onto the Northline bus” (which would take us to Barracks, where we do our grocery shopping). But on the walk she ridiculed me (lovingly, of course) for having taken the route with the most stairs, opposed to the less-direct, less-hilly way. When I teased her that this was making up for the cardio she didn’t do this morning she grumbled at me, and she started marching up the stairs, saying “ass, ass, ass”, because if nothing else, at least we’re getting a good workout from walking all around this hilly campus 😉

Even though I’m not sure my brain ever made it up to speed today, it was still an incredible day. We managed to do our shopping with spare time before our 1:15 meeting, which ended up getting cancelled anyway. We were both working in the computer lab when I e-mailed a faculty member, Dr. Reppucci, in the clinical program who does research in which I’m incredibly interested. I’d tried arranging a meeting with him a couple weeks ago, but our schedules never aligned. It so happened that he could meet with me this afternoon if I headed over to his office in 45 minutes! Thankfully I had dressed modestly for the day, but I felt awful being so unprepared to talk to him! However, as soon as I entered the building (the psych/bio building, in which I’d never been before), I felt instantly at ease. Talking with this professor only worked to assuage them even more; it felt so natural having a conversation with him. He was so easy to talk to, and I loved hearing him talk about his current projects. Unfortunately, he’s not accepting students next year (nor does he typically accept students straight out of undergrad), but he gave me the names and institutions of a lot of researchers all over the country who share my interests. He also asserted that clinical programs incorporating law are generally more rare, and that it may suite me to explore criminal justice or community psychology programs. Finally, he advised I strongly consider taking time off to work in a lab or get experience and stop being a student for a while so that I could be a more qualified applicant. After meeting with him, I went directly to another meeting in which I talked to a postdoc, who worked with Dr. Reppucci as an undergraduate, and is splitting her work as a postdoc with him, and another man in the department who also has research interests that intrigue me. She put a spin on clinical psychology programs that I’d never really considered before: even though they train people to be both researchers and practitioners, your time spent doing research is substantially less than in other programs, because your time is also spent in clinics. Also, as Dr. Reppucci noted, there are requirements to be eligible for licensure and APA accreditation that clinical programs have to meet, which means they focus a lot of efforts there. Not that there aren’t great clinical programs out there, it’s just something to consider; you can do just a little bit of a lot of things, but aren’t necessarily as focused. The postdoc with whom I spoke was also on the fence about clinical when she applied: she said learning about therapy made her realize clinical wasn’t truly aligned with her goals. She didn’t want to work one-on-one with people because it was too individualized; she wanted the ability to reach a broader population. As ridiculous as it may seem, this isn’t something I had considered before. As a practitioner, my potential to help people is limited to those with whom I interact. As a researcher, I can test intervention and prevention programs that do and don’t work, determine why they produce the outcomes they do, and work to change policies based on these findings to help a broader population. That’s what I want to do. And in that case, it’s entirely possible that a clinical program isn’t what I want. But I still think it depends entirely on the school, because each program has a unique perspective and method of training their graduate students. So what I want to do hasn’t changed, but I may be (once again) altering my approach (dear goodness, I don’t blame you if you give up on me and just ask where I am in a year from now). I’m going to check out the programs Dr. Reppucci mentioned, and see what I can find. I’m really excited!

This past week absolutely flew by, and it was better than I ever could have imagined. It’s hitting me now that I only have three weeks left here. When I first arrived, it definitely took some adjusting — I was homesick for Seattle and bummed to not be at camp. It felt like it took quite some time to get acquainted with the town and to feel comfortable getting around. But now that I’m really settled, I love it here. Charlottesville is such a cute town; the people are so friendly, it’s very family oriented, UVa has a great atmosphere, and there is so much to do. I have a list of things I want to make sure I do before I leave (!) and it’s hard to believe how fast the time which I have to do these things is winding down.

As far as work goes, I’m really getting involved in it. Have I mentioned how much I love research? Coding videos is surprisingly entertaining — it’s really interesting to observe the different styles apparent in the strategies teachers employ. Additionally, I’m really getting into the crux of my own research. I have a functioning data set and have gotten to play in SPSS, which is always fun. It’s making me that much more excited for my senior capstone this fall (for which I get to design and implement my own study at PLU). Going to the office for a 9 to 4 day doesn’t feel strange anymore; I actually kind of like it! I especially like that the best coffee shop, Shenandoah Joe’s, is within walking distance of the office O:)

Having the 4th off of work was really nice. It gave me extra time to run, get some work done, and enjoy a night of relaxing with some of my fellow interns. Alicia and I went out for burgers at a restaurant on the corner that were delicious, then came back and baked cookies and watched Misery! Michelle came over, as did Tushmit for a while, and we watched Marley and Me after Misery had ended. It was fun to just hang out with them and enjoy each other’s company. I went for a walk around midnight (it’s fantastic being able to walk late at night here and 1) feel safe and 2) not need a jacket because it’s still so warm) to see if I could see any late fireworks from grounds, but to no avail, unfortunately. It was still a beautiful night and pleasant walk, so I was quite happy when I went to bed that night. The rest of the week was a breeze, and flowed right into an unbelievable weekend.

Saturday morning was an early one, and so worth it. Alicia, Tushmit, and I caught a 7am bus for the downtown market. We usually head down there around 10, so being there right when they opened was a completely different experience. We could actually walk through the vendors and get the freshest samples of their goodies, and had prime picking of their produce. It was really peaceful! I finally got my peaches (along with some nectarines and blackberries, yum), Alicia and Tushmit got their groceries and we made it back to our dorm with just enough time to eat a quick breakfast and catch the 9 o’clock bus to King’s Dominion, an amusement park about an hour and a half away! It was a hot day, but half of the park is a water park, so we spent the majority of our time there, which was fantastic. We also went on a couple really neat rides in the park itself. When I was little, my favorite ride at the Puyallup Fair (besides the giant yellow slide),  were the swings that were all attached by chains in a giant circle that rose in the air and spun around and around. Imagine a ride like that, only “grown up” — this machine was built a bit more sturdily, whirled around a little bit faster, and definitely rose to substantially greater heights, but the idea is still the same. You feel like you’re flying, and have a panoramic view of the beauty surrounding you. It was beautiful, and so much fun. The other ride was an “alien ride” that Alicia and Onaje were really excited about. They just told me it was a roller coaster inside that was cool because it was so dark. It wasn’t until we got in line that I thought to ask whether it was a scary ride. They both exchanged a sheepish grin and I suddenly got really nervous for this roller coaster. They promised it would be okay, and if in doubt, to just scream. I have to admit, it was a lot of fun, but also really scary — it went really fast at first, went upside down and had corkscrews. It wasn’t until the ride was over that they informed me the actual name of the ride is “Flight of Fear” -.- Thanks, guys!

Sunday could not have been a more amazing day. Oh my gosh. I woke up Monday entirely energized (after having only slept four hours, mind you), wondering if everything I thought happened actually did. And the great thing is that it did all really happen! Sunday morning was a relatively lazy one — I worked on homework at Starbucks and felt like a dork taking a picture of myself with my coffee for mine and Lauren’s “coffee date” (so worth it for the adorable picture, though) and went downtown with Alicia to get Sweet Frog.

When Alicia and I had been walking to get burgers on the 4th, I’d noticed a sign saying Shawn Mullins would be playing in Charlottesville on the 8th. For those of you who don’t know who he is, youtube him. He’s my absolute favorite artist, ever. I’d mentioned something about how cool it would be to see him, but didn’t think about it again until about 2:30 Sunday afternoon. I was taking a respite from my work and thought how much I would love to see him. I was dubious tickets would still be available, but ran a Google search anyway, and was surprised to find them on sale  yet. I was still skeptical, so I decided to call the cafe he was supposedly playing at. I had to call three times before I finally got an answer, but I finally did, and the man promised they would have tickets available at the door. I couldn’t believe it! I didn’t care if I had to walk back that night (it was about two miles from grounds, and the bus doesn’t run past 5 on Sunday’s); I was going to see Shawn Mullins. Then Alicia, bless her heart, reminded me that there’s such a thing as a taxi (crazy concept, huh?), so I called and got a quote ($5 from downtown back to my dorm. Done.) and really decided I was going to go.

Well, Alicia and I were downtown getting Sweet Frog (which is a delicious frozen yogurt place, for those of you who don’t know), which is where the concert was going to be. It didn’t make sense for me to go back to grounds just to come back a couple hours later, so I figured I’d just find a cafe to hang out in until the concert started. Except, in Charlottesville, at least at the downtown mall, everything closes early. It was 5 o’clock, and I couldn’t find an open cafe in which I could sit. Usually I’d be content to wait outside, but Sunday was stormy (thanks for the warning, Dad!), with ominous grey skies, so that wasn’t a particularly viable option. Alicia had ducked into a bookstore, so when she was ready to go, we split a cab back to grounds. I decided this was better anyway because then I could leave all my books in my room and just bring a purse. I ate a snack and called the taxi driver back and got my ride downtown at 7. The show didn’t start until 8, but the doors opened at 7:30, and I was not going to be late.

I got there around 7:15 and was struck by the venue – it was called the Southern Cafe, but it was definitely a bar (how misleading). There was a man selling tickets right at the entryway but as I approached him it dawned on me, this was going to be a cash only thing. No problem — there was a CVS a few stores down; I’d buy a water, and get cash back. Leave cafe, head to CVS, only to be greeted by dark windows and locked doors — they closed at 6. No worries, I thought in an admittedly slightly worried manner. There has to be somewhere here I can get cash. An ice cream shoppe was open, so I walked over and asked if they did cash back. No, and CVS was the only place she could recommend that I could get cash back from. Okay, it’ll be okay…I told myself, starting to lose faith. Then I remembered there were a bunch of ATM’s in the downtown mall and even though they wouldn’t be compatible with my bank and I’d have to pay a horrendous fee, I could get cash from them. I hurried to the first one I found, got my money, and headed back to the cafe. It wasn’t even 7:30 yet, I got my ticket, and was set to go. I was really going to see Shawn Mullins. EEK!

The fact that I was alone was very salient at this point. Most of the people there were older (Shawn Mullins isn’t really popular among people my age), and I was the only person I saw who hadn’t come with other people. But I didn’t care, because I was so excited to see this artist perform. Turns out the bar did have tea (though I felt really ridiculous ordering tea when everyone else was drinking beer or cocktails. sidenote: while waiting for said tea, I snagged a small 3×5 flier of the concert. I’d deliberated about it and almost didn’t take it given that it was the last one, but decided I wanted it too badly to not take it. This will be important later, I promise), and I found myself sitting about three paces from the stage in a dimly lit room big enough to sit maybe fifty people. I could not believe my luck, nor can I express how content I was to be there.

The show was phenomenal. Shawn Mullins is someone whom I’ve always loved; his music fits right into the pieces of my soul that need him most. Those bits that encourage me, love me, and care for me, when I’m feeling down and need a pick me up, that give me energy on an early morning, that bring me back to my childhood and family memories. I found myself really thankful that I was at the concert alone, because it was such a personal experience for me. I have never felt anything as powerful as I did when listening to him sing and play the guitar. The music reverberated in my soul; I could feel it reach to the tips of my toes and tickle my fingers, racing through my blood. My soul was open, completely, to his music. The songs I recognized made me cry, the upbeat ballads made me tap my feet, and the songs I didn’t know propelled me to contemplate life. I have never felt anything so powerful in my entire life. I couldn’t help but burst into a huge grin when I thought about how utterly lucky I was to be sitting in that room tonight. Here I was, listening, watching Shawn Mullins perform; I could see all the lines on his face, watch the way he threw his entire body into the music, hear the deep southern twang in his voice. It was soul-shakeningly beautiful.

The concert ended at 10:30. I called the taxi driver for a ride home, and he said he’d be there in about five minutes. I left the cafe and headed down a block to wait for him. The storm had passed, and the night was a pleasant one. As I was waiting, a girl came up to me and asked if I was alone. She explained that she’d been at the concert and was alone, that her brother was there but had left her, and that she didn’t know anybody else around. I tried offering a couple suggestions as to what she could do, but she just apologized for having bothered me, and started walking away when she ran into her brother, who she then proceeded to introduce me to. He mentioned that he’d seen me alone at the concert, and shared that he went to his first Shawn Mullins concert alone, too. We talked about how it was weird for people our age to like Shawn Mullins, and that we both really liked his stuff – in the middle of this conversation, my taxi pulled up and I (quite begrudgingly, I might add) got in. This taxi driver (it was the same guy all three times -.-) starts chattering away about his night and a block and a half later I interrupt him and ask him to turn around, that I’ve forgotten something, and I’m really sorry, but I really need to go back. Befuddled, he agrees, offers me a reduced fare for the awkward loop around the block, and says to call if I need another ride back. I nod and thank him profusely, knowing I won’t call him again, could not call him again after this, and get out of the car. As I’m walking back through the downtown mall, I wonder just what the hell I’m doing. I’m not this spontaneous girl who asks cab drivers to turn around and go back because they “forgot” something. What was I going to do? Or say?! I doubted I’d even find the guy and his sister again, in which case my worries would be a moot point.

But, as I rounded the corner and arrived at the cafe once again, I saw the girl outside. She was really inebriated and as she darted up the sidewalk I followed, not sure what I could do, but knowing she definitely shouldn’t be alone. Another woman went inside to get her brother and I cannot explain the look of bewilderment I saw on his face. “You…you got in a taxi, and you drove away. What are you doing here?” I swear, I must have turned fifty shades of red. We struck up conversation and he showed me a poster he’d just had signed by Shawn Mullins. I was insanely jealous and told him so, to which he said that he was still at the cafe, and that we could go back and I could get something too. Um, WHAT?! But we go back to the cafe, and Shawn Mullins signs my flier I had stuffed in my purse a few hours ago (told you it’d be important ;)) and addresses it to me (and told me I had a pretty name!!!!) and then we stand, Tommy, Shawn Mullins, and I (and I think Tommy’s friend was there, too?) and talk about his music and life for like five or ten minutes but I don’t care because it’s Shawn Mullins and I shook his hand and I have this signed flier hanging above my computer now and oh my god. Then, before Tommy went off to take care of his sister, he handed me a business card and apologized for how corny it was, but explained that he teaches guitar lessons, and mentioned I should text him sometime. !!! … ! I floated on a cloud the entire way home.

I cannot believe my luck. I got this internship. I got to see and meet (!) Shawn Mullins. I met (& am getting to know :]) a really nice guy. I get to spend my summer doing research. I am networking with all these amazing researchers. Somehow, everything always works out (family, stop laughing at me. I know you have been telling me this all along. I just had to figure it out for myself!)

With love,

M.

A Personal Revelation

Two nights ago, I was itching to go for a run. Day had faded to night and boxes remained unchecked next to tasks on my to-do list, but I had to go.

Now, I’ve always been a runner, so this may not surprise some of you. However, I do not typically run so that I may think; I run to feel good, to reap the benefits of a work out. Rarely do I run to sort through my thoughts. The last time a run of mine had been driven by that kind of desire was in January, while brainstorming my personal statement for this program. This internship is the only one for which I applied. Anybody serious about furthering their career in a competitive field would tell you this was foolish; internships offer invaluable experience, the ability to network within your field, and to dip your toes in the water to see if you even like the work. But for me, it was this internship or camp.

I’ve known somewhere deep down that I wanted to be a psychology major since my junior year of high school. I muddled through some other options along the way (social work, nursing), but always returned to psychology. I figured, like most people who don’t know much about psychology, that I would be a therapist. I liked helping people, I loved romantic stories, families, children; being a marriage and family therapist seemed like the perfect fit. But as I took more psychology classes, talked to a broader array of people in the field, and did a lot of my own exploring, I came to learn just how complex of a discipline psychology is. The thing is, psychology underlies any profession, because it is about people; each and every one of us! There are commonplace domains, such as developmental, social, personality, and industrial organization. There’s learning psychology, cognitive psychology, educational psychology, neuropsychology, forensic psychology, school psychology, community psychology. Then there’s counseling: counseling psychology, marriage and family counseling, school counseling (which is different from school psychology, yes).

As far as graduate school is concerned, all of those are viable options. But that is barely the beginning. Do you want a Master’s or a PhD? Master’s programs are generally 2 years that prepare individuals to be counselors. Statistics and research are generally not emphasized here. PhD programs, on the other hand, emphasize research. There’s experimental psychology, in which people are trained to be researchers or professors, and applied psychology, in which people are trained to put the research they do into practice. Then there’s clinical psychology, which combines the two.

I think a PhD in clinical psychology is what I want to pursue, which is exciting and frightening and ambitious and overwhelming and about a million other things. Clinical psychology is unique in that it blends the research and practitioner roles of an individual to train students to be both productive researchers and caring, ethical clinicians whose practice is informed by scientific knowledge. But here’s the thing about clinical programs: even if you’ve narrowed your scope down to “clinical”, it’s still just the tip of the iceberg. Do you want a PsyD or PhD? Are you sure you want to do clinical, or is a PhD in counseling what you want, or maybe a master’s in social work instead? These aren’t easy questions to answer; I’m in the midst of answering them myself. I want to make it clear that unlike most posts, this is not a compilation of others’ advice: this is what I’ve gathered through my own research of what has to be close to a hundred universities, blogs, and other various websites to try to hone in on what path would be the best for me. Therefore it is extremely subject to bias, and I don’t claim any of these to be hard and steady facts. What I’m telling you is simply what I have, and am still currently, learning through  my own search.

If, God love you, you are still reading, here is what I can tell you about finding clinical programs. Most PhD clinical psychology programs subscribe to a “researcher-practitioner”, “scientist-practitioner”, or “researcher/scientist-scholar”model. The order of these words is important, because it generally indicates which part of the model that particular institution emphasizes. Many PhD clinical programs, although they do train their graduates to do clinical work, will blatantly state that they are training researchers who intend to contribute to a body of science in innovative and profound ways; a lot of them admit that they are not a good fit for someone who wants to be solely a practitioner. That being said, there definitely are PhD clinical psychology programs that emphasize both the “researcher” and “practitioner” parts of the model. This information should be easily ascertained from the mission statement or about section on any ‘clinical psychology program’ website. While PhD clinical psych programs traditionally value the scientist over the practitioner, PsyD (Doctorate of Psychology) clinical psych programs generally value the practitioner over the researcher. The research is not as extensive and they place a heavier emphasis on clinical experiences. PsyD programs can be APA accredited, which is important if you plan to be a licensed clinical psychologist. A list is easily obtained by googling “APA accredited universities in clinical pscychology” — it’ll provide you with a long list of schools that offer both PhD’s and PsyD’s in clinical and/or counseling psychology. If research is something that doesn’t appeal to you, a PhD in counseling psychology may be a better fit for you. Unfortunately, I can’t speak to what those programs usually look like, as I haven’t explored them myself. If you want to be a counselor, I’ve heard a master’s in social work is a better route than a master’s in any type of psychology or counseling because it is a more versatile degree, but I don’t know if there is any validity to that claim.

Once you’ve identified programs in which you’re interested (if you’ll recall, I did say never mind the title of the program — there’s no need to explore just PhD or just PsyD programs; merely let it guide your search, which can be so overwhelming), identify faculty members whose research interests align with yours. I know I’ve said it before, and I’ll probably say it again, but it’s really important that these individuals are doing work that you could see yourself doing for 4-6 years. A lot of programs are interdisciplinary, which means they draw upon theories of other disciplines to inform their own; common overlaps are in biology, sociology, education, and law. Be aware that some programs offer specializations as well. Common specialties often include: child/family, adult, forensics, community, minority/race/ethnic issues, gender issues, quantitative methods. It just depends on the program and with what areas the current faculty are associated. I hope this excites you as much as it does me! I hope I can have specializations in child/family, forensics (which is, I think, basically like law), and quantitative.

Back to this run of mine: as soon as my feet hit the pavement, I knew it was going to be one of those runs: the kind that bring clarity and peace of the mind. I was feeling so overwhelmed with all the options I have to consider, I just couldn’t handle it. I tried to reign in my energy, and headed toward the corner. It’s not fair, I thought as I rounded the corner and started uphill past the bustling restaurants, that someone could be perfectly well qualified for a PhD program and not get accepted. Someone could graduate summa cum laude, have outstanding GRE scores, great experience, glowing letters of recommendation, and an articulate yet moving personal statement, and still be rejected for any number of reasons. Their targeted faculty member doesn’t have funding for that year, or retired, or transferred colleges. The admissions committee didn’t see a close enough fit between an individual and the program. Their expertise wasn’t quite what they were looking for. You could do absolutely everything right, and still not get accepted. As I breached the hill, I decided to hang a right, not wanting to wait for the light to change. My thoughts were tumbling over in my mind a mile a minute, and I wanted to give my body a fair chance to keep up. I began reflecting on my resume: I believe I will make a fairly competitive applicant, but “fairly” doesn’t cut it when it comes to the admissions process. The more programs I apply to, the likelier I am to get accepted, but how do I even  search for schools? I had a notebook on the computer, with tabs for each school I was interested in. I spent months researching programs, identifying faculty members, tracking the student admissions data, and planning my applications for this fall. But my interests and focus have changed so that I really want a program that emphasizes both the practitioner and the researcher; something I hadn’t realized before having been afforded this internship. Scratch several month’s worth of work, open clean notebook. Commence process all over again. Insert grimacing, grumbly face here.

As I ran across the bridge, I opted to head downhill to an area I’d yet to explore. After venturing down a dark sidewalk in a residential area, I decided it was best left unexplored, and turned around to head back to the main part of grounds. Catching me by surprise was the moon shining brilliantly in front of me. It was early enough that it still hung low and giant in the sky, a soft off-white color, fuzzy around the edges. It literally took my breath away and made me stop in my tracks. I stared in awe as I slowly meandered back the way I’d come. I didn’t plan to run down here when I left for my run tonight, I mused, and it really doesn’t matter that I don’t know where I am. I know how to get back to grounds; regardless the route I take, I know I’ll end up back at my dorm again. Thinking about this, I realized this was true of most of my runs — they are rarely premeditated, and often influenced by fun looking roads or trails I’ve yet to explore. As I arrived at the library, I started running again. The sidewalks in this particular area are very curvy; they come and go from multiple directions. I tested this revelation – that I could go anywhere spontaneously, making decisions I didn’t intend on making, and still be okay – I spent five minutes, looping sporadically across these sidewalks, turning this way and that with no rhyme or reason. I had to smile and laugh at myself while I was doing this – it was all so silly, but I realized that what my professor back home had said was right: uncertainty is fun. He told me that knowing the future constricts the present; uncertainty carries freedom. Now, just in case you don’t know, I am one who has always had her life scheduled down to the minute — I used to plan at what age I was going to get married, have kids, what their names would be, how our house would be furnished, what we would do on the weekends. Even in a more realistic sense, I am an obsessive planner who lives much more peaceably with a prearranged agenda that extends at least a week into the future. Not knowing the future scared me to death. But my aunt and uncle shared with me a very simple phrase they repeat when faced with a major decision: right turn, left turn? I found myself asking the same question on my run: did I want to go right, towards the corner, or left, towards the residential part of town? This may sound ridiculous, but I have always trusted myself to take care of myself without an agenda while running; why not with my future, too? Don’t get me wrong — there are definitely times when organization is essential to success, but this is different. There is very little about the graduate school process that I can control. I have done all that I can to be a qualified applicant. Whether I get accepted or not hinges largely on luck. As frightening as that is, it’s also, as my professor prompted me to believe, very freeing. I applied only to one internship this summer, believing that if I were to be accepted, it clearly was meant to be; if not, I would spend what surely would have been a spectacular summer in Maine. But I was accepted, and that means something. So I’m adopting the same mindset for graduate school. I have too many other things to exert mental effort over than trying to guess whether a program is going to accept me or not. So my tactic for graduate school now is: 1. Search programs on the APA accredited clinical psychology list 2. Identify schools in states in which I’ve always had an interest in living (I used to think I wanted to take five years after I graduated and live in five states: somewhere in New England [Connecticut, Massachusetts or Pennsylvania (which apparently isn’t part of New England -.-)], somewhere in the south [Virginia, South Carolina, or Georgia], Oklahoma, Arizona, and California, just for the fun of it) 3. Research program to see if they subscribe to my preferred model (balanced science-practitioner model) 4. Identify faculty members doing research in which I’m interested (childhood/adolescent development, juvenile delinquency, risk & resiliency, childhood/sexual abuse, depression, suicidality, self-harm) 5. Check funding 6. Add to “to-apply” list. I also intend to identify master’s level programs, most likely in social work, and most likely in the western part of the country. I trust that if I’m meant to be accepted to a clinical psych program, I will be, and I will be happy no matter which program it is given that it will be in a place I’ve always wanted to go. If I don’t get accepted to a PhD program, I will know that there is nothing more I could have done and that clearly it wasn’t the right path for me. If I don’t get accepted to a master’s-level program….well, I’ll re-evaluate at that point.

It’s a grueling process, no doubt. The uncertainty alone is enough to dissuade you if you don’t embrace it. For me, I was able to come to peace with it through running, which has always been a passion of mine. Support from my friends and family of course has been invaluable, as have been encouraging quotes as provided by my program coordinators. I’ll leave you with the two that struck me most:

“Every strike brings me closer to a homerun” – Babe Ruth

“I got half a dozen paintings from that shattered plate” – Georgia O’Keeffe

With love and hoping that you, too, have faith,

M.

A Day in the Life

Let me just start with this: I am exhausted. It has been 100 degrees here for the past few days, and while I thought I could handle it, it’s taxing. Thankfully all the buildings I ever need to be in are air conditioned and I always have my giant water bottle with me, so I manage, but dang I am not used to sweating profusely simply from sitting! It’s supposed to gradually cool down as the week progresses, which I’m greatly looking forward to!

I have spent a lot of time here discussing the graduate school application process. This post is going to focus on what an average day is like for me, including more details on the research I’m helping with. Hope it isn’t too boring 😉

Mondays and Fridays I am scheduled to be in the office from 9am-4pm.  Alana, my lab partner, and I usually meet around 8 to grab coffee before we catch a bus to get to the office. Having free public transportation is so greatly appreciated; it would probably take close to 40 minutes if we had to walk there. The work we complete in the office depends on the day. Our overall assignment for the summer was to code videos of teachers reading to a preschool class. However, before we could begin doing that, Alana and I had to learn this coding scheme and then take a test to show we really knew how to do it and produce accurate results. Unfortunately, this process took longer than anticipated, as we both were not accurate after the first test. Our co-mentor, Lindsay, and research advisor, Anita, told us not to worry — we were guinea pigs in this training process and they were learning from us where they needed to focus more attention in training. If the doctor and doctoral-candidate say so, it must be true! This past week Alana and I received much more individualized training targeted at our problem-areas to hopefully become “reliable” on Monday. Assuming we achieve that goal, we will begin our schedule of coding videos more independently each week.

When not focused on coding, Alana and I are reading as much literature as our brains can manage about pre-school literacy and learning. We each designed a research question that we want to explore in depth with the data Anita already has – this is what we will present at the LANS conference in Connecticut at the end of the month. My question focuses on determining what relationship exists between perceived problem behaviors, social communication skills, and basic language skills in pre-schoolers. Next week we get to delve into the actual data and start our analyses, something I’ve been excited about before I even got here!

Wednesdays Alana and I go to the office at 9, have a lunch meeting with Anita and Lindsay at 11:30 to discuss the progress of our questions, and then go back to grounds around1 for a meeting. These meetings vary from journal club (which offers a cursory introduction to statistics) to career panels, depending on the week. Tuesdays and Thursdays are also full of meetings and workshops. We usually have a faculty lunch Thursday afternoons, which is a great opportunity to meet other individuals associated with the program. We also have GRE class Tuesdays and Thursdays, and meetings with our program coordinators every other week.

When not in meetings or workshops or in the office, I am 1) checking the mail, 2) doing GRE homework, 3) reading articles about language, literacy, social communication, and problem behaviors in pre-schoolers, 4) avidly searching for graduate schools, 5) talking to my family about how terrified I am about the grad school process, 6) watching ridiculous television shows to decompress, 7) eating ice cream to cool down, 8) drinking coffee because I’m working so hard and “deserve a treat”, and 9) running because a) I feel guilty about all the treats I’ve had, b) It makes me feel productive for the rest of the day, or c) I love the challenge of all the hills here. Needless to say, I keep busy! I try to get 8 hours of sleep each night because I’m just too tired to function otherwise. For being such a small town, Charlottesville has a lot to offer; it seems like there’s always something going on! On top of that, Charlottesville is full of attractive people who are super active. I can’t tell you how many people I see exercising on a daily basis! It does make it more motivating to be active though — I have to say, I can’t remember the last time I saw my skin so dark or  hair so light.

A note on the difficulty of narrowing down my graduate school search: there are so many programs that could potentially work for my future goals. Each has their benefits and drawbacks, and each offers a slightly different program that would prepare me for a different line of work, depending. Sifting through these programs to find the ones that really align with my interests is a challenge. This process is forcing me to be incredibly honest with myself about what I truly do and don’t want out of my graduate experience, what kind of career I envision myself enjoying, and  what kind of lifestyle I want to cultivate for myself. This is challenging given that I don’t think I want what I always thought I wanted. I’m very good at creating idealistic, alternative realities for myself without considering what living in that euphoria would actually entail. When I rationalize these ideas, they lose their appeal. While I trust myself to make a decision that is best for me, but it doesn’t make the process any easier.  *deep sigh* I’m taking it one day at a time – some days, hours are devoted to this search; others, I can’t bare to think about it. I read somewhere that applying to graduate school is like accepting another part-time job, and in a lot of ways, it absolutely is. Nothing about graduate school is easy, all the way down to the application process! I did have my first meeting with a potential advisor on Thursday, though!  He was very nice and his work is interesting, and now that my first semi-interview is over, I think the subsequent ones should be slightly less nerve racking.

On a lighter note, I am so enjoying this weekend! Last night I got ice cream (pralines and crunch & jamoca almond fudge, in case you were wondering (and yes, in case you’re wondering, it is a  delectable combination)) and sat outside reading a book Lauren sent me, Eat Pray Love. While I was unimpressed with the movie, the book is witty and moving. Minutes after I returned to the dorm, a massive storm broke out — all of a sudden, it was raining and the trees were being blown harshly by the wind and sheets of lightening illuminated the sky. Given that it doesn’t storm that way in Washington, I was completely taken and awe-struck. From the comfort of my room, I thought it was the most beautiful thing. This morning we all woke early and found that the storm had actually caused more damage than any of us had realized it would — tree debris scattered the roads and power was out of several towns we drove through. Where were we driving to, you ask? James river, for a canoeing trip! We all had such a blast. Being on the water was really cool (literally and figuratively). It was a short run, but we enjoyed the peacefulness of the water and our surroundings, and took an hour break on the bank to swim, eat lunch, and converse. We spontaneously decided to go peach-picking after our canoe adventure, but unfortunately the orchards were closed due to — you guessed it — the storm! All of us were so exhausted though, and were complacent returning to the dorms to crash.

Now it is almost 6, and I have yet to complete any homework for the day. I intend to eat dinner, do a bit of GRE work, and enjoy a relaxing night with my friends 🙂 Tomorrow I will tackle my to do list.

Hope y’all are keepin well and enjoying your summers. Farewell, June!

Love,

M.

From the Mouths of Babes (aka, Professionals)

A lot has been going on this past week; this weekend was filled to the brim with work, and there’s still more to do! I promise a more comprehensive update soon in which I discuss more of my day-to-day activities and thoughts. This is for those of you about to approach grad school applications or for those who are curious about the process; I hope you find the information helpful.

Grad School Essays/Letter of Intent/Personal Statement

• Create a narrative about why these schools should invest 250,000$ in you. This should be compelling – 250,000 could potentially buy a house! You want to show them you’re worth it. One of the most critical aspects of your application is that you are a good fit for the program. This “goodness of fit” shines through when committees read personal statements. Therefore, make sure you do your research and show how you’re a good fit for that program. Moreover, how are you a better fit than the other people also applying for the same program?
• Your essay should be a cohesive narrative of how your past experiences connect with your future goals. You want this to be personal! You should have an identifiable interest and passion that is the common thread throughout your application. Show that you are focused enough to know what you want but flexible enough that if complications should arise (eg. You have to change advisors), you will be able to handle it
• Name drop in your essay to show you’ve done your research and see your goals fitting in with research that people in the program are currently conducting. If you do this, be absolutely certain that you’re citing the right people with the right research, and that you spell their names correctly. Don’t do more than 2, maybe 3, in an essay, and if you can somehow make a connection between Researcher X and Researcher Y’s research, you’ll spark a thought in their minds that may not have been there before, and you definitely want them thinking about you
• The last part of your essay should discuss why you want to go to this program; what about this school draws you in?
• Keep your writing concrete. You want to be professional. Show passion through the things you have done and highlighting what you learned, not by using superfluous language.

Develop a Research Agenda

• How do all of your experiences, even those from your childhood, contribute to where you are now and the goals you have for your future?
• Can you tell me what research you’re interested in in one sentence?
• Try to draw you research pathway. You might be surprised by how much cohesiveness is actually present in your experiences, even if they seem disjointed.

CV/Resume

• A CV is very much like a resume, but generally is prepared for academia
• Both are marketing pieces to sell yourself to the position
• Both are a selected inclusion of your RECENT & RELEVANT experiences
• Keep a comprehensive resume, and then tailor it for specific opportunities
• Use keywords from your industry to show that you know what you’re talking about
• In your CV, name drop (eg if you worked with a famous researcher) to show where you have connections
• Use APA citations for presentations/publications on a CV
• Avoid being repetitious…eg on a resume, don’t have GPA and Dean’s List; pick whichever gives a stronger impression. To that end, include details that enhance your marketability and be discrete about those which are questionable

Advice from Current Grad Students

• How do I choose a program/researcher? Pick names out of literature you’re reading and see where they’re working, who is working with them. Can you contact them? Networking is really important, so don’t be shy to make contacts
• How do I contact faculty/researchers? In an e-mail to faculty members with whom you’re interested in working, cite (after having read, of course) an article that sparked an interest in your mind about their work. Say where you’re from, the research you’re doing, and express an interest in talking to them in the future. Place a strong emphasis on how your interests align with theirs.
  • What if I don’t hear from them? Send a follow-up e-mail a month later. After that, let it go, but definitely don’t take it personally and still apply to the program. Often times, faculty members are just too busy to respond to all the e-mails they receive.
  • What if the researcher I really want to work with isn’t accepting students for the year I hope to start? Are there other researchers with whom you’re interested in working? Bouncing between labs and changing advisors isn’t unheard of, and it’s good to be affiliated with a couple researchers in the program. Never take it personally if a researcher isn’t accepting students (or if you don’t get chosen to work with someone who really interested you) – they have a limited amount of funding and can only accept a few students. This varies year to year, depending on grant renewals, current lab size, etc.
  • What if the researcher with whom I want to work doesn’t accept e-mails from potential graduate students? Try contacting people affiliated with his/her lab. This could include current graduate students, post-docs, or the program director. Anybody affiliated with the lab should be able to offer you some insight to the type of work that researcher is doing.
  • How many schools should I apply to? That depends. 12 is pretty standard. It is better to apply to schools in which you have really invested yourself so you can showcase your knowledge about the program and portray your goodness of fit better. Be honest with yourself about the range of schools to which you want to apply; rejection letters come quickly, and those are the odds. It’s all a game. There are a lot of applications for very few spots
  • Is it okay to defer if I apply and get accepted but decide I want to take time off? Yes, but keep in mind your funding may not be guaranteed
  • Things to remember
    • A lot of whether you’re accepted to a program has to do with how well you get along with your advisor. This is someone you’ll be working very closely with for the next 4-7 years, so ensuring you two are pleasant around each other is very important
    • You’re a very low priority as a potential graduate student, unfortunately. Make yourself interesting and pull yourself up the ladder as much as you can
    • Writing is not creative in psychology, but research definitely is
    • Your job prospects and interests will change when you’re in grad school; keep an open mind
    • Ask your recommenders to highlight your accomplishments, especially if other parts of your application may be lacking

Can you believe June is almost over? I sure can’t. No matter where you are this summer, I hope you have been enjoying your experiences and relishing in the beauty that surrounds us every day. To my inspirational best friend and better half, have a phenomenal time in Ireland (I’m so proud of you!), and to my family traveling to the mid-west, safe travels and have a blast! Know I love and think about each and every one of you, every day.

More soon,

M.

Work Hard, Play Hard!

Today marks the beginning of my third week here in Virginia. Wow! Today is also special in that exactly one year ago, I arrived in Maine, scared out of my mind to spend what turned into an incredible summer at Camp Micah. While I was nervous to start my internship, I didn’t freak out like I did that first day I arrived at camp. Camp was different because some people had been there for years; counselors already had friendships, knew what to expect, and how camp operated. Here at UVa, though, we’re all new to the internship program. None of us had any idea what to expect starting the program, and we’re all from different areas. It has made the transition much smoother! The workload sometimes feels overwhelming, the pressure to impress intimidating, and the uncertainty of our futures unnerving. But knowing that we’re all experiencing those emotions gives us a stronger sense of community. As Kendra said Saturday, it is absolutely imperative to have a support system. Graduate school is hard. You’ll have your cohort when you begin the program, but the nature of the work often requires you to work independently. Days of social conversation concerning celeb gossip and popular hair styles have been replaced with who has read what literature, projects being conducted, and, of course the infamous “future plans” conversation.  Having a support system comprised of family and friends  will help keep you sane and remind you why you’re there when those overwhelming feelings are getting the better of you. Ideally, they’ll also be able to break you out of your research bubble and allow you to connect with other aspects of life as well! One of my major fears about graduate school is losing touch with myself and the things I love — I don’t want to become a research-consumed person who eats, breaths, and sleeps it. Don’t get me wrong — research excites me to no end and I love the process, but I want to be able to have a family and have conversations not revolving around academia, too. Seeing current graduate students and even my mentor (who has three kids!) have families and lives outside of the work they conduct at the university is both calming and inspiring to me.

This past week has been a perfect example of balancing fun with work. Last Tuesday was a brilliant day. I woke early and fit in a run and coffee before CLASS training. Coding videos was a lot easier after having practiced so much the day before, and we even got done early! I spent some time wandering around grounds and called some family back home before settling down to do an hour of work in my room. Dad and Dana picked me up around 5, and it was so nice to see them! We enjoyed dinner at “The Local” — a cute restaurant a bit past downtown with outdoor seating and local cuisine. It was delicious (particularly my blackberry cobbler with homemade vanilla ice cream!). I was really nervous about what drink to order, but settled on a Pomegranate and Gin, which was light, refreshing, and super tasty! Dad, Dana and I kept each other company until close to 9 o’clock, when I went back to the dorms to hang out with my co-interns. They were so sweet and thoughtful — they got me a card and a giftcard for Starbucks!! They know me so well O:)

Wednesday was packed! I didn’t have anything scheduled until 11:30, but Alana and I got up early and met for bagels and coffee to review our material before meeting with our advisor. While Tuesday had been wet and muggy, Wednesday was dry and beautiful! As tedious as it may seem to read and re-read materials, it is imperative to gaining a full understanding of any project, particularly the methods used and results derived. Understanding these, of course, is important to comprehending the study as a whole, and contribute to your ability to think critically about the study, evaluate its validity and reliability, and form questions that you could potentially target in your own study. Dad and Dana came by while Alana and I were in this process to say goodbye before heading east to the beach. It was  very comforting to have them nearby during my first week here, even though I only got to see them twice. Alana and I left around 10:30 (we gave ourselves a full hour!) to catch the bus and figure out how to get to CASTL (Center for Advanced Study of Teaching and Learning), the somewhat off-grounds building in which we work. Unfortunately, the trip was still disastrous. We missed our stop the first time around, and had to wait for it to loop around again before we could get off. Even then we were somewhat turned around — no bus goes directly there (which is odd), and the walking directions we’d received were pretty vague. We ended up arriving 10 minutes late, for which we felt awful. Our advisor was very understanding, and tried to give us some pointers about where to go next time; I think we’ll get it next time. Even though getting to CASTL can be a bit complicated, I am so grateful for the bus system here. The only buses which I ever need to take are always free, and it allows me to get off grounds and explore a couple other popular areas of Charlottesville as well. There are stops everywhere, and they all run pretty frequently. I’m ecstatic that public transportation is so convenient here!

Aside from the brief hiccup at the beginning, our meeting with Anita Wednesday went well! She encouraged us to consider the measures they used in the study to formulate a research question or two that we can explore in depth this summer. I am finding myself drawn to the more indirect measures (opposed to the direct measures of literacy and language), such as learning behaviors and social skills (often referred to as pragmatic language). There are also measures of the child’s caregiver literacy habits, as well as basic family demographics. Honing in on a specific research question is difficult, but identifying your interests and trying to form loose hypotheses about what you think/want to discover will help solidify your interests and allow you to develop a more concrete, measurable question. After our adventure at CASTL, Alana and I headed back to grounds for a workshop about writing essays for grad school. However, given that I have a workshop about how to formulate a CV this afternoon, I’m going to wait until tonight to create a separate post to cover those details. The rest of Wednesday was comprised of GRE office hours (that darn math…), making a quick grocery run downtown, and reading an article that is very much still in-the-works. Thursday we had lunch with the author; I gained an appreciation for the writing process hearing his perspective. Being in the process of writing my own paper (with the help of two other people, so really not my own), his comments about a paper “never really being finished” and the constant “shaping and reshaping” resonated with me. If you intend to pursue a PhD in Psychology, being published is absolutely essential to your success. The earlier you can start this process, the better. Technical writing is an incredibly different writing style than is traditionally practiced, and it is hard. You will edit that paper ad infinitum, and just when you think it is perfect, an editor will send it back with an abundance of red marks, leaving few words you recognize as your own (so I’ve been told — I’ll let you know once I submit mine :/). Don’t be deterred by this! It will only help you refine your writing skills so that the next paper you submit will have a few less slashes on it 😉

Thursday night we all went out to celebrate my birthday! We found an adorable little bar that has a porch and picnic tables and pretty twinkle lights. It was a really cool experience to be able to walk into the bar and hand them my ID and order a drink! I’ve decided my favorite drinks are anything pink :). Surprisingly, all of the interns went out; I love how close we’re all becoming. Not everybody drank, but we spent the night conversing and giggling and having a good time.

Alana and I spent Friday parked at a picnic table outside a cafe (which has delicious coffee (most places around here have good coffee!)) working on GRE and research assignments for the majority of the day. It felt good to be so productive, yet still enjoy the beautiful day. After a hard day of work, Alicia and I took an hour Friday night to go for a beautiful walk around grounds. We found a couple really neat areas which we had yet to discover, and it was a brilliant opportunity to get to know each other better. She and I are very alike, and it’s fun to see where our similarities and differences are.

Saturday was a very easy, relaxed, and fun day. Most of us woke up early to go to the Farmer’s Market downtown, which was fun — and, who can complain about free samples? Later that afternoon, we met up with our program coordinator and drove about 40 minutes away to Humpback Mountain. The hike was only a mile or so, but was fairly steep and pretty rocky. I absolutely loved it (I really want to hike more when I get back to WA), and the view from the top was incredible. We spent a long time talking at the top and enjoyed being completely surrounded by nature. Upon returning to Charlottesville, we went out to dinner and spent more time discussing graduate school (what’d I tell ya — all conversations somehow return to it!) and our program. We were reminded that this entire process is an interview. We are constantly being introduced to faculty members and researchers who make up the EP-ADS & Ed Policy program here, and even those not directly related are in contact with those who are. Of course it was something we all knew, but it was good to be reminded of that. Knowing we need to impress essentially everyone we meet by being concise and direct with our speech, professional in our demeanor, yet relaxed and calm is a very difficult mix to balance! How do you assuage your nerves to portray yourself as an articulate and confident prospective student when all you can think about is how badly you want that person to be impressed?! I’ll let you know if I figure it out ;). I’m about to send e-mails to faculty members, which somehow makes this entire process seem more real than before. On the other hand, us interns have quite a leg up in that we have had the opportunity to interact with faculty members and make ourselves known to this program. For that, I cannot express my gratitude.

Sunday was a relaxed yet productive day. Somehow getting work done under the sun seems less stressful than when confined in a dark room, so I spent most of my day outside doing homework. Monday was quite a different day than I have ever before experienced. I spent the day in an office from 9-4! I’ve never really done that before, and I have to laugh at how old it makes me feel. I was surprised how fast the time passed, and even enjoyed a lunchtime walk to yet another local cafe (Shenandoah Joe’s — they might be my favorite). As my dad encouraged, I need to enjoy the diversity of this experience. And I am! I just feel so much older/more mature/grown up/professional than I ever have. I feel very fortunate to have an 8-week taste of it now, so I know what to expect when I transition from my undergraduate career to wherever my post-grad life takes me. I also am learning what aspects of the graduate life I like (the fact that it more resembles  full-time job than school) and what parts of the research process get me excited (forming questions and having the ability to explore my curiosities). I feel so blessed to learn so many of the in’s and out’s now, when I have time to process it all, as opposed to when I’m in the middle of a program trying to sort through all these emotions. No doubt they will still be present during grad school, but at least I will expect them then :).

Last night was also different in that I went to a yoga class with a group of us interns! It was quite the experience. I’m glad I went, but I think I’ll look for a zumba or rock climbing class for next week instead ;). We all stayed up rather late watching Tangled (which, for anybody who hasn’t seen it, is the most adorable movie), but had a fun time celebrating Tushmit’s birthday (happy birthday, girl!). As so many people remind me, it is important to balance work and play, which is something that comes as a challenge to me. However, during this program, I am impressed with how easily this balance is coming to me! I put a lot of effort into the work I do, but also treat myself to coffee, new experiences, and time with friends. It’s amazing how much better-equipped I feel! For now I’m off to a meeting, but promise to write again soon with details about creating an impeccable grad school essay and how to best portray your accomplishments in a CV.

Take some time for yourself today,

M.

GRE Prep & Grad School Process

These past four days have been full of yummy treats, hours of GRE prep, hours of obtaining advice about graduate school, and double all of those hours researching graduate schools. I bet you can guess the main topic of today’s post!

Before I delve into all the graduate school knowledge I have obtained and had reiterated this weekend, I want to review other important things that have happened:

Friday turned out differently than anticipated — our research mentor was actually unable to meet with us due to a double booking, so Alana (my co-intern), Lindsay (our graduate mentor), and myself spent a lot of time talking about graduate school (to be discussed shortly, I promise). She showed us a great coffee/bagel shop, and introduced us to the lab in which we’ll be working. We also received a bunch of training material concerning the literature program about which the data are concerned (if you’re interested in learning more about the program, click here). Getting oriented with the materials and data set have been interesting, but I’m eagerly awaiting the opportunity to discuss the project with her in person. We have lunch scheduled for Wednesday, so my fingers are crossed that we get our schedules set then and can really get to work!

Notttt that there hasn’t been work. GRE homework takes a long time…and I need a lot of refreshment, particularly with math. For anyone planning on taking the GRE, let me tell you this: review! The format of the test is a bit funky, and it tests your knowledge about subjects which you may not have reviewed for years. Also learn different problem solving strategies; it’ll save you a lot of time on the test day. GRE scores and GPA are two of the first things graduate schools see, so it’s imperative that they are competitive. Most graduate programs offer admissions data/student outcomes about past class averages, so familiarize yourself with those scores so you know what to aim for (note: the GRE scoring code has changed, but finding a comparison chart between the two scales is easily obtained through a quick Google search).

Friday night was an absolute blast. We rode the free trolly to the downtown mall and just wandered around for a few hours. Our coordinators were absolutely right in telling us that it’s a very popular place to be! It was really cool seeing the diversity of people there — families, college students, young adults, and teenagers. Everyone was so garrulous and upbeat, it was great. The downtown mall is one of my favorite places to hang out — there are just so many unique little shops and eateries and great outdoor seating that make it so idyllic. We explored some little booths that people set up with their own goods to sell after the main shops had closed (which close surprisingly early), and found a place to sit, enjoy frozen yogurt, and watch young children dance and hop around to some live music. All in all, it was just a really fun experience.

Saturday we had the opportunity to take part in a really neat workshop, led by a Clinical PhD student. The workshop was entitled “Cultural Competency”, and none of us really knew what to expect. As it turned out, it was oriented to be a team bonding event during which we learned about each other’s backgrounds, unique experiences, and similar goals. Expressing what our “trigger” words/expressions/gestures/tones were was very enlightening: people have different actions or behaviors that bother them, and being cognizant that some people may perceive the way in which you interact as offensive is critical to communicating effectively. My other favorite part of the workshop was folding a piece of paper into quadrants, then drawing a critical stage in our lives from elementary, middle, and high school, then finally college. The implications of this exercise are two-fold. First, hearing about everyone’s unique experiences growing up offered insight into each individual as a person, and I think we were all able to gain a deeper appreciation for each of our co-interns. Moreover, however, was the importance of acknowledging that, despite our differences, the development and transitions have been very much the same for all of us. We all feel substantially more grounded and confident in our selves as rising seniors, and are all pursuing a higher education. For anyone going through any major life transition, it is important to realize that you’ve done this before. Perhaps the people or settings were different, but the process is similar. Things feel turbulent, you are uncertain, time speeds up and all of a sudden you’re transitioning and everything feels like it’s spiraling out of control and then you’re flung out on the other side of it, a new and changed person from it. But here’s the thing – you always make it through. Learn from yourself — acknowledge what you did well during your last major transition, what helped you feel less out of control, and most importantly, remind yourself that it will all be okay!

Today, we spent the majority of the day doing CLASS (Classroom Assessment Scoring System) training, which is learning how to reliably and validly code classroom interactions between teachers and students. This is an incredibly detailed process that requires a lot of attention and ability to focus on multiple dimensions of behavior. Thankfully the gentleman leading the course is pretty engaging and the training itself offers substantial opportunities for interacting, and it is fantastic experience. We have one more day of training tomorrow, then once we pass the reliability test, we’ll be officially trained! Later this week we have a workshop in preparing personal statements for graduate school applications, GRE prep, and a meeting with our coordinators. I’m personally excited for tomorrow because 1) I get to see Dad & Dana and go out for a birthday dinner, 2) I can have my first legal alcoholic drink, and 3) I get to tackle a package from my brother fully enclosed in duct tape (did I really expect anything less? Absolutely not)!

Okay, now for that promised review of my graduate school process information. First, though, I need to acknowledge several people. This plethora of information has been obtained from numerous sources. Predominately, this includes: my co-mentor, Lindsay; the Clinical PhD student who led the cultural competency workshop who was kind enough to spend two hours with us interns tonight at dinner, Riana; various faculty members from PLU; various PLU/UW alumn who are currently enrolled in PhD programs. Thank you all for your support and encouragement!

1. I have been told time and time again that when you apply to a PhD program in psychology, you pick a faculty member whose interests align with yours, regardless the name of the program with which they are associated. Many programs are branching out and a Clinical program at one school may be entirely different than a Clinical program at another. The faculty members to whom I intend to apply come from a variety of departments, including: Clinical, Child Clinical, Educational Psychology, Applied Developmental Science, Family & Social Dynamics, Combined Education & Psychology, and Educational Psychology and Applied Developmental Science. While it may appear there’s a big disconnect between these programs, the work the faculty members I selected do is surprisingly similar.

2. Find what you’re interested in and capitalize on that. Pick “key words”, such as would appear in an abstract in a psych journal. Mine personally are “adolescent development”, “at-risk”, “prevention and intervention”, “family development”, and “internalizing disorders”. It’s a list that is still in progress and I’m sure will change every day, but for today, that’s where I’m at! Use these key words to form a general skeleton of your personal statement. Each school will most likely have a slightly different prompt, but the general idea should be the same. Spin a story (but keep your writing technical, concise, and to the point) about your interests, relevant research experience, and future goals. Also, you want your personal statement to stand out from everyone else’s – be genuine and authentic. Everyone has good GRE scores and high GPA’s — you need to show the program that you’re different and a close fit for the program given your experiences. Remember, you’re competing with a bunch of “you’s” in this process.

3. As aforementioned, you should have picked faculty members with whom you want to work. You can contact these faculty, but do so with a purpose. You should be familiar with the work they’re doing, and be able to connect yourself to it somehow. It’s important to clarify that they will even be accepting graduate students the year for which you intend to apply. If possible, meet with the faculty member, chair of the department, or current graduate students so you can get a feel for what the program is really like. I’m sending out e-mails soon to faculty members with whom I hope to meet…it’s part of the process I’m most scared about (I feel like my e-mail needs to be absolutely perfect, and that I could botch any chance I have of being accepted to the program with one misplaced word), but it’s an important step.

4. Be organized. Have a spreadsheet with the schools to which you’re applying, the deadlines and requirements of each program (they won’t all be the same), whom you’ve contacted, whether they responded to you, when you sent your materials, if they received your application — everything. It may seem like a lot of work, but you’ll appreciate it when you are deep in the process of applying to anywhere from 7-20 schools (yes, it’s a numbers game — the more to which you apply, the more likely you are to be accepted, and this is the average range that I’ve heard from several people).

5. As an undergraduate, get as much research experience as you can. The more the better. Be a research assistant, work in a lab. Present at conferences. Get an internship. Publish a paper. Anything and everything you do here will show that you’re committed to the research process and that you understand what getting accepted to a PhD program entails. I’ve been told time and again that those evaluating the applications want to know that you know “what you’re getting into” should you be accepted.

6. If you’re taking time away after you finish your undergraduate degree, make the most of it. Gain real life experience!  Riana suggested tonight to strongly consider taking time off if we were considering applying to a Clinical PhD program right away, because we really know nothing about the world around us. I  believe for many people this is true, and I also agree that “real-life” experiences will teach us substantially more than any textbook. However, I have also had encouragement from lots of people to apply now — there’s no reason not to given that’s the direction I know I’m headed, and I have a fair amount of experience that supports my decision. It’s all up to the individual, though — there are no right or wrong answers in this process, which I know can be frustrating.  If you do decide to take time away, ask faculty members to write letters of recommendation now — they can save them electronically and change the date to submit to you when you’re ready to apply in a year or two.

For now, I think that is plenty of information. I’m sure as the summer (heck, as the week) progresses I’ll gain more information that I’ll be sure to pass along. With a bit of luck, I’ll learn  how to be a more concise writer during the process!

A few more quick things before I head off to bed: 1. Apparently there’s a difference between sweet tea and sweetend ice tea. There is a lot of food and restaurants over here with which I am unfamiliar, and can’t wait to try them! 2. I’ve started saying y’all. And I maybe slip into an awkward, half-Southern accent when I get excited.

Okay, final thing, then bed —

Current Grad School Choices [in no particular order]:

University of Virginia, University of North Carolina Chapel Hill,  UC Santa Barbara, University of Washington, University of Oregon, University of Michigan, and Arizona State University.

With love and wishes to not go out of your mind considering all the options like I do,

M.

Orientation, Settling in, and Preliminary Impressions

It has only been two days, and already I feel as though two months have passed! We have had rather packed schedules with orientation, tours, and workshops. Despite the hectic schedule, I could not be more thrilled or thankful to be here. I need to organize and prioritize so I can make the most of all the resources I have available to me!

Monday night and Tuesday were fairly pain-free, easy days (minus the extra baggage fee for having a suitcase weigh 58lbs and the extra trip to Wal-Mart for supplies not provided in the dorms such as a lamp and hangers). Seeing my step-sister and step-nephews was really great, though. Kelly does a lot of work similar to what I want to do, so hearing about her experiences was awesome. Also, my nephews have grown up a lot since the last time I saw them. They’re so mature and responsible now — talking with them was truly a treat! Not to mention, Alex and I stopped for lunch at this great little cafe in a place that reminds me so much of Gilman Village, and we split the absolute best brownie I’ve ever eaten. Yum.

My first impression of the University is that it is HUGE! Especially compared to PLU, the buildings are giant and historic, and the grounds span several miles. I’m living in a dorm with two suite-mates (we each have our own room, but share a common kitchen and living room) on a kind of secluded part of grounds, but I think I’ve finally figured out how to get to and from my main building successfully. It is positively gorgeous here — as someone mentioned today, it’s like we’re walking around in a postcard. Mum sent my camera cord recently, so hopefully I’ll be able to post pictures soon!

On another note about first impressions, I am in awe of how much support they are providing for us right now. I am not sure what I expected, but it definitely wasn’t this. We have four program coordinators who have given us tours of the grounds and Charlottesville, taken us out for lunch and gelatto, and taught us how to use the bus/trolly system. They are absolutely remarkable! They’re just a plethora of advice, and are so enthusiastic that it’s impossible to be lethargic around them.

Given that it’s the first week, we’re still establishing and adjusting to our new schedules. Today was the first semi-normal day. I took a diagnostic GRE test this morning (that did not go well), then we all met for lunch with a speech-language pathologist from the PhD program. Each week we will have an informal lunch with a faculty member from some program associated with EP-ADS (Educational Pscyh and Applied Developmental Sciences) & Ed Policy during which we can ask questions about their research, careers, grad school — anything we want, really. It is a phenomenal way to gain more knowledge about the field from a variety of perspectives, as well as network within the department. The woman today was very encouraging — she kept saying “when you start a PhD program” and “when you are a graduate student”. She continually emphasized that no choice we make is irrevocable (except for having children, which is pretty darn irreversible, as she mentioned), that we can always change our paths if we want to. She also offered interesting advice about choosing a graduate school other than where you want to live. She said that in academia and research, you move quite often according to job availability, and rarely end up teaching right away at the university from which you graduated. She also highlighted the importance of asking your own questions as a researcher independent of whatever institution for which you work, so that your work may be transferable to different locations.

I should mention that all of the faculty members and researchers here are absolutely thrilled to have us here. They refer to us as the “best of the best” and “brightest of the bunch”, and always interact with us enthusiastically. I’m not sure I’ve ever felt so welcomed as I do here. UVa has an unbelievable EP-ADS & Ed Policy PhD program that fits my interests verbatim. They are very upfront, too, about this program being an introduction not only to the field, but to their program. However, they continually remind us that they want us to choose a program that best fits our needs and goals: “if you decide this is the program for you” or “wherever you end up for grad school”. There’s actually one researcher here who is in charge of a program (Youth-Nex) that focuses on promoting adolescent development. I get so excited reading about it because I have all these little voices in my head shouting, “yes, yes yes, that is exactly what I’m interested in, yes!” I’m really hoping I get a chance to meet him before I leave…. I still can’t believe I’m lucky enough to be here.

This afternoon I got to attend my first GRE prep course. Thank goodness for that! I didn’t realize (or had forgotten) that GRE training was offered as part of this program. Every week we have three hours of class, at least three hours of homework, and additional office hours during which we can seek the help of our GRE tutor. Even after just one class, I can already tell how much it’s going to help me improve. I’m actually really looking forward to doing my math homework this weekend (…)

My understanding so far of the program is that it is devised into two sections. The first is the one that benefits us; this includes workshops in SPSS (tomorrow afternoon, 3.5 hours, literally can’t wait), how to write a CV/grad school essay, the GRE prep course, etc. The second half is working with researchers on actual data. I met my researcher yesterday, and she seems great! I also have a co-mentor who is a current graduate student, and there is one other SURP intern working on the project with me. Our co-mentor is just as sweet as can be — she’s actually going to pick us up and we’re going to get bagels before heading to the office tomorrow to get oriented with the lab. From what it sounds like, we’ll spend half the time with her coding videos, then the other half exploring our own research question given data she’s already collected. I’m not totally clear on her research, but she designed a program to improve pre-schoolers’ language and literacy abilities given the way the material is taught — her data sets focus on these variables, as well as other demographics. I can’t wait to see them and explore all that’s there!

As far as the social scene is concerned, I don’t think I’ve spent this much time hanging out with people…ever! There are 8 of us in the program, and we are all so unique. It’s really fantastic talking to everyone, because we all have such different interests and experiences. That being said, we are all predominantly psych majors interested in children. And everyone is really friendly and easy to talk to, which is great. Yesterday we went “downtown” — think Paris charm/coffee shops meets the college kids and modern/eclectic shopping of Seattle. It was so quaint yet vibrant and fun. We’re all headed there tomorrow for “Free Friday” — apparently they bring in free entertainment, and it’s a really popular place to be. The trolly runs down there for free from campus every 15 minutes or so, so commuting shouldn’t be a problem. I’m also excited because there’s a farmer’s market every Saturday that the bus (also free, within a certain limit) will take you to that offers fresh produce. I can’t wait to get out and explore more!

I think that about wraps it up for tonight. It’s later than I anticipated (ahem), but that’s okay. I don’t expect my adrenaline levels to drop anytime soon (have I mentioned how excited I am to be here??), so I’m not worried about it.

One more thought before going to bed: I had a conversation tonight with Adam (hope you don’t mind me sharing) about choosing majors, careers, and which path to follow. It has taken me a long time to get where I am now and to have confidence in what I’m about to say, but now that I’m here, I couldn’t be surer (my professor back home would laugh at me if he heard me say this). Everything, and I mean everything, works out – all. the. time. I know it can seem scary and stressful and like you have to decide right this instant and that the choice you make will impact the rest of your life forever, but I promise you that isn’t the case. You’ll find that, as you’re pondering those big life choices, life still happens — you will be exposed to experiences that may not seem important at the time, but they add up. Eventually, those experiences have snowballed together and are leading you down a path which you didn’t even know you were traveling, but once you hit that “ah-ha” moment, it will all make sense. This is going to sound crazy, but try to enjoy the uncertainty of not knowing — it is not causing you any harm to be unsure, and you have a million resources at your disposal right now with which you can explore a variety of paths you may or may not be interested in pursuing. As the professor said at lunch today, no choice is irrevocable. Whether you’re a year into your undergraduate degree, or five years into a PhD program, you always have the ability to change your mind and forge a new path. It may not be easy, and you may be subject to critique from peers and/or family but at the end of the day, you have to do what’s right for you. And that’s a decision that only you can make.

With love and best wishes,

M.